Monday, October 3, 2011
For Friends of People dealing with the loss of a child
As someone who didn't have many friends any of the times I miscarried, (I pushed everyone away) I now know that having someone there to cry on their shoulder is very important. Through my own experiences I aways found it best to take a few days for myself. To grieve on my own. It's then very important to talk to your significant other. See how their feeling as well. (remember they lost a child as well) I'm not a doctor, but talking with Cody(my husband) may have helped me to not necessarily move on, but to get to the next stage of grieving. If your friend has what to expect (the pregnancy one) there is a chapter at the end that really helped me to deal with miscarrying. There are many stages to the grieving process. So don't get discouraged if they don't want to talk or hang out for a week or so. (Small Rant) We hate being told that it's not our fault and that it just wasn't meant to be and God has better plans. We know this, it's just accepting it that makes us upset. My advice (but like I said everyone is different) is to listen. There's not really a right thing to say. Just be there for them. It helps more than you think. But if it ever comes to a point (I say about a month) that they just aren't talking to anyone or just laying in the bed all day, that's the time to give them a good kick in the pants! I really needed that. That's the time when you should start being positive and try to get them out into the world doing activities or really just socializing with other people. (I think my facebook got decactivated lol) Remind them that worse things can happen and that you can always try again. (unless they are in my situation) Then there's always adoption. It takes time to come to terms with dealing with the fact that you can never have your own biological children as well so that's another time to listen. But 9 times out of 10 you can always try again and everything will turn out ok. Bottom line: Don't talk. Just Listen!!!