Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Car Analogy for Adoption

I saw this on a fellow adoption blogger's blog and it really hit home for me. I hope this puts things into perspective for someone in a pregnancy crisis.
A young woman and a young man are standing outside near a very busy street. The child they are both responsible for runs into the street. A car is coming down the street at a very fast speed and there is NO CHANCE the child won't be hit. The couple can do one of these four things:

1. They can do nothing and watch their child get hit and killed by the car. The psychological pain of this inaction will always be with them.

2. They can both jump into the road and sandwich the child between them and brace for the collision. If they stay together, there will be minimal injury to the child. But there is a 80-90% chance that they will split on impact.

3. One of the parents can jump out in front of the car. This will save the child's life, but injuries will be substantial.

4. One or both of the parents can run into the street and push the child out of the way of the speeding car into the outstretched arms of a couple on the other side of the street.

In all of these scenarios, someone always gets hit by the car. What would you choose?

This scenario is a metaphor for a crisis pregnancy. The first choice represents abortion. The second choice represents a couple that tries to stay together and/or gets married because of the crisis pregnancy. The third choice represents single parenting. And the fourth choice represents adoption. Someone always gets hit by the car. What would you choose?

Monday, November 28, 2011


I consider myself a strong woman. I'm not sure what others think, but that doesn't matter to me a whole lot. After losing 4 children (if you're just starting to read my blog you should go back to the very first post to understand the story) as I was saying, after losing four children there's nothing left to be but strong. I won't lie I had my down moments (a lot of them around the holidays and loss dates and due dates as well) but everything happens for a reason. As a rps (recurrent pregnancy loss) survivor I can say that I understand what it's like to lose a child and what a body goes through and understand the feelings that women go through during this grieving time in their lives. Now I believe that losing one baby is discouraging and sad but most times you won't lose another child. And I like to reinforce that to people who ask me about my experience. Don't think because you lost one child it is going to happen again. Here was my own personal train of thoughts:
First pregnancy: excited! Scared: after the loss- we can try again!
Second pregnancy: surprise! But hopeful: after the loss- maybe something's wrong
Third pregnancy: (second round of clomid ad hormones) excited!! After the loss- devastated! Depressed at some point I didn't care what happened to me and I didn't want to get pregnant again. So we contemplated adoption!!
Fourth pregnancy: surprise! Depressed and scared. After the loss- after 3 specialists couldn't tell us what was wrong we had a come to Jesus talk and decided we would do everything in our power not to get pregnant again and decided adoption was best for us!

Now that may be different for everyone. But these three and a half years have been a roller coaster for us. And you would think after that crazy ride we would take a break, but here we are on the adoption roller coaster! It definitely has its twists and turns but we know it will all be worth it in the end! Thanks so much to all of our readers for the prayers and for sharing our blog and all the encouragement!!! We appreciate you all and can't wait to meet the little bundle of joy that will help complete our family!!!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving! & Understanding Adoption

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!! I hope everyone got their tummies full!!! I thought I'd start off this blog by telling what I'm thankful for. First and most importantly I thank God for giving me another healthy day on this earth! Without him, nothing is possible! Next, I'm thankful for my four angel babies in heaven. I think about them everyday! Not a second goes by that I don't miss them. I pray they are watching over their mommy and daddy and having fun with their Great Grandma Mary and Great Grandpa Walter.  I also pray that they are watching over their future little brothers and/or sisters. I hope we find them soon! I'm also thankful for my family. Even though we aren't together today I still miss and love them!! I'm especially thankful for my husband. He's stuck beside me through thick and thin. I think we've been through more trials and tribulations than most couples, especially ones our ages. I'm also very thankful for the support system we've had since we've began our journey towards adoption. We've had lots of help, encouragement and advice and we wouldn't be where we are without those people! (Shout out to Jessica and Felicia!)

On to other matters.

A lot of people don't understand adoption. I really think that is why they don't choose adoption. For example, some people think that if you choose adoption you will never see your child again. WRONG!! Unless you choose what is called a "closed adoption" you will get to see your child again. We would LOVE an "open adoption"!!! We want your child to know who you are and how much you love them. We want the child to know as early as possible that they are adopted. As far as the adoption we would like (in a perfect world that is) we would like to have visits once a quarter (every three months) and we want to send letters and emails and photos as often as you would like!

Now we realize this isn't a perfect world and some people prefer a specific type of adoption. We are open to either. But even if you choose a closed adoption we want to leave the door open in case you change your mind.

We don't know where our future birthmother and child are but we can't wait to meet them!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Another Q & A!

I came across a few questions that I didn't answer in my last Q&A and I think they're really important and deserve an answer.

Q: Will you be a stay at home mom?
A: Yes! There's nothing I would rather do! I consider myself very lucky that I do work from home and that I have a loving husband that works outside the home to support us!

Q: Do you have any family traditions you hope to carry on?
A: Yes. We do an alternating routine with holidays but we hope to start a new one when we find our little one. We want both of our families to come to us and have everyone spend time all together.

Q: Do you have any weekly/monthly family get togethers, date nights etc. ?
A: We live about two hours in opposite directions of extended family so we try to get together with them at least once or twice a month. We do try to have a date night every week. Cody is a die-hard Arkansas fan so he watches his football on Saturdays, so we try to do dinner out at least once a week and maybe a movie. But we make it a point to have dinner together every night. We think its really important to have that time just to see how we are and talk about our days.

Q: Do you have family/friends near you?
A: Yes! We have lots of friends that are 5-30 min away. My immediate family is about 2 hours away but when we do find our child I know they will be up all the time!! We do have Cody's family in town so they will be around constantly. Needless to say there will be lots of love for this child!

Q: What would adopting a child mean to you? (This is a VERY good question)
A: Adopting a child to us, means more than just completing our family. It fills our hearts with a new love that we get to experience. It's a new journey for us as a family. We will be responsible for a life and how they turn out. It means late nights, dirty diapers, temper tantrums, fights, homework, sports, smiles, hugs, kisses, and lots of love! And we couldn't be more excited about it!! We have lots of love to give and there won't be a day that goes by that that child won't know that she/he is loved!! We can't wait to start this new journey!!!

Friday, November 18, 2011

Rant and Update

As it gets closer & closer to the holidays, we get more anxious and feel a little more defeated. This will be our 4th holiday season together and we are still without a child. Some of you may be able to recall in earlier posts that last Thanksgiving I was pregnant (about 2 months, it was our third pregnancy) and that was quite possibly the best holiday we as a family have had together. But I lost the baby about a week and a half later. You can imagine how our Christmas was. (sorry for the little pity party there) Here it is almost another year later and another angel baby lost. We find ourselfs hopeful because God has lead us to adoption but still slightly disappointed because he hasn't led us to our baby or led our baby to us. But we know it will be in his time. On another note, I came up with an adoption shirt design for us that I hope to get done soon that will have our adoption profile website. I will post a pic when it's finished. I find myself more and more like a Scrooge lately when I see moms not taking care of their children or pawning them off on someone else so they can party. Ugh that makes me mad. (Rant over) lol. As far as an update goes, we still get tips here and there from kind hearted people that see our situation and want to help. We just try to stay positive and wake up and pray that today will be the day we get that phone call or email. We really appreciate all the prayers and kind words and a special thanks to all those that give us tips and help us!!!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

What We've Learned About Adoption

Someone asked me today what we've learned about adoption. To be quite honest, I never thought it would be me. I'm sure a lot of people feel that way. I always felt like that was plan B. I thought that once I found "the one" all that was left to do was to have a family. We've been married for almost 3 years and after 4 miscarriages, adoption is now plan A. And we're exctatic!!! We know the wait will be worth it to have that little bundle of joy. And although we are not using an agency (long story short we see better things that the money that we would pay an agency can go to ie: college, emergency medical issues things like that)  and we just have our adoption lawyer and it may take a little while longer it's still worth it. The nursery and shopping keep me busy so I pray we find a little one as soon as its ready!! lol wishful thinking I guess.  Another couple questions we get frequently are: Have you tried ivf, iui's, surrogacy or any other means of having your own biological child? The answer for all of the following is: No. We never got cleared by any of our specialists to have ivf or anything like that because the three specialists we went to could never find a "cause" for our infertility. So as it stands we have "Unexplained Inferitilty". We have been on 2 rounds of  clomid and hormone treatments and they helped us concieve but there has never been a reason found for my inability to carry. As far as surrogacy goes, the way we see it, some thing has to be abnormal with us to cause us to miscarry and we do not want to put another woman through that kind of physical and emotional pain. And I couldn't live with myself knowing that it was my fault so here we are looking to adopt. :D  We couldn't be more excited about this journey. Another question we get (sorry for jumping all over the place lol) is about going through dhs. As far as I know the state I live in does not foster to adopt. And you cannot adopt a child that is younger than a year old. You can foster one, but not adopt. We do not have the hearts to take a child in only to have them taken away, so we have chosen not to foster. (Big ups to women that can do that!) We have no preferences ( I get asked that alot too) We don't care if the child we adopt looks like us or has medical issues. ( We aren't equipped to take care of a child with severe special needs though) We will love any child that God brings to us or that God leads us to no matter what. Blood and DNA don't make you a mother. UPDATE: We have gotten a few tips that could possibly lead us to our future child and we have friends that have our profiles and of course our lawyer, so hopefully we will find our little bundle of joy soon!! Thank you to all that continue to pray and inbox me with kind words it means the world!!!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

The Man's perspective

The man's perspective of adoption is alot like the woman's I suppose. I want children I guess around 2 or 3 but if more come then so be it. We have been through alot in the 2 years of marriage. As you all already know we have lost 4 angels. I know they watch over us every second of everyday. I love our angel babies. One day we will tell our children about our struggle and how the will always have there brothers or sisters watching over them. I think that this blog has helped becca through alot that she's been through the past years and hopefully one day soon I can see her eye's light up with joy when she holds our baby boy/girl. I know she thinks us losing the babies hasn't effected me but it has. I have just learn to trust god and his decisions. It hurts but I know there in a lot better place, maybe a lot earlier then maybe we think but no matter what they will always be in our heart and on our mind. I believe that adoption is a great thing. I wish abortion was illegal because in my eye's it's legal murder. I know we will see our little one sometime soon.