Tuesday, October 25, 2011

4 am random baby rant.

It's 4 am. Its been a LONG hard day. I just finished up some work and I find myself thinking. (big surprise to those that know me) For those that don't, I actually think about a lot of things that some (i think) don't really think about. You never truly realize how insensitive the human race is until you are put in a sensitive situation. As many of you know I am still very sensitive around pregnant people. I choose not to be around them, not because I'm just an insensitive person, I do it because if I don't I turn into a mess of a person and who wants to be around that? It's very hard being in a family where people are having babies left and right and thats all anyone wants to talk about and don't really care that you're standing right there. It's especially hard being around family that you don't see very often and the last time they saw you, you were pregnant. Ugh then comes all the questions. "Awh where's the baby?" That sort of thing. For me personally, I HATE having to tell my story over and over again especially face to face with other people. But anyways, today I have found myself feeling completely discouraged. (i hate feeling sorry for myself) A person can only handle so much! We're taking everything one day at a time, but as it gets closer to the holidays I get more anxious to have our little one here with us already. I wish we knew where he/she was! I also found myself thinking about my angel babies again today. I wonder if they look like me, what genders they are, and if they're watching over us and their future sibling. (sorry for all the randomness) I've been trying to think of something to blog about lately, but theres just so much I needed to say I might as well get it all out at once. I've decided I want to keep everything on here as real as possible. I want people to see just exactly what I, personally go through and what we as a couple go through living life after miscarriage and with our new journey of adoption. It's not easy. I like to think I'm very strong, but when I'm alone it's hard to keep everything together. I can't speak for my husband though. Today has just been one wrong thing happening to us after another. We had a tip on an adoption and it fell through and a whole lot of other things that just piled one on top of the other. On another note: When we go to the store we always try to pick up a few things for the future baby so far we've got some diapers, dr brown bottles, pacifiers, soaps and lotions. I get a little sad when I look at our mini stockpile of baby stuff, but I have faith that we will find our little one soon, well I hope soon! I think that going through adoption is a lot like being pregnant, emotionally I mean. It's very draining. You have your good days and your bad days. I feel like an emotional wreck today. Ugh but it's a new day and another day to research. As I re read through what I have written so far I can already say that when we do find our little one this post is going to be one I look back on and smile because I know I need to feel this way and it will all be worth it. Thank you to those continuing to pray for us, we really appreciate it! And please continue to share our blog with friends.

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