Friday, September 30, 2011

What Makes Us Think We Would Make Good Parents?

Some people look at us and all they see is a young couple. Yes I'm 20 and Cody is 23 but that still doesn't change anything that we have been through. Everything has made us and our marriage stronger. I do belive that I was born to be a mother. I love knowing that I have had a helping hand in raising my neice and nephews. Everytime I'm around them my maternal instinct just kicks in. Now I'm definately not saying I know everything. ( What mom does?)  But I am confindent that I know I can raise a child.  I picture myself kissing the boo boos and being overprotective lol. Cody on the other hand lol he's still pretty new to things. He hates changing diapers. ( we keep our nephew michael he's 4 months)  but I guess alot of men are like that? lol  But he loves making silly faces at Michael. I know that he will make a great daddy though. I picture him being a big crybaby when we finally bring our son or daughter home. Cody is very hard working and loves to support us. We thought about buying nursery furniture today but decided against it. We aren't exactly sure just yet about where we would want the baby to sleep. I say baby because we are looking to adopt a baby under a year old. I can honestly say adoption has somewhat taken my mind off of our infertility. We're still checking around for that special little one.  We hope to find him or her ( I really want a little girl lol but I'm definately not picky) very soon!!! We appreciate all the info we have been getting especially from Mrs. Kayla! She's definately helped us out a lot! I updated our adoption profile with more information and pictures so hopefully we will hear from someone soon! Thank you for your prayers!!! I welcome all questions anyone may have!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Life After Miscarriage

Some people ask the question what's it like after you have a miscarriage. But more people are afraid to ask. I don't mind sharing my story(ies). The first time I miscarried, I didn't actually know what was happening. I just knew it was scary and didn't feel right. (Call it maternal instinct) The wait was agonizing! And they still couldn't tell me that that was what was happening to me. The following week when we went to our OB and he confirmed it, we were devestated. I don't think I ate for about three days, I don't think I even left the bed. But as time went on I kept thinking that the next time would be fine and that everything would work out. The second time I miscarried it was kind of a surprise because I didn't have the same symptoms (the bleeding and cramps). So I took a pregnancy test and when it came up positive that's when I knew what had happened. A blood test confirmed that I had miscarried around 6 weeks. ( All of my miscarriages were in first trimester) That one hurt but I guess since it was somewhat of a surprise it didn't bother me as much. 6 months later when we decided that we wanted to find out what was going on the fertility specialist put me on a daily progesterone hormone and clomid(fertility drug that helps you release eggs) . It didn't work the first month but we found out it had the second month. This was possibly the hardest miscarriage on me. We heard the heart beat at 5 wks 3 days  it was in the 150s.  My heart melted! I was on cloud 9. I just knew everything was going to be ok. Until I had that all too familiar sign of miscarriage. (spotting) I was scared to death! (i was 10 weeks at this time) after the 12 emergency room trip we went home with no answers. They just told us that we had lost the baby at 7 weeks and it was deciding to expell itself now. This time was similar to the loss of the first angel baby. But at that time Cody's sister was pregnant too (8 weeks ahead of us) I locked myself in our room and didn't leave for at least a week. I literally wanted to die. I went through a serious depression for about 6 months. I think I deleted everyone on my facebook that said anything about having a baby or posted pictures of babies. I guess it got easier with time. I threw myself into what is now my business so that helped take my mind off of things. This last miscarriage was a surprise (like the second one) but I knew I was pregnant. By that time I knew we would never be able to have our own children. It took time to come to terms with that. We then decided it was time to look into adoption. Not a day goes by that I don't wonder what life would be like if all of them were here. I know that they are in a better place and everything happens for a reason (which that does get annoying to hear for those of you that tell people that and it doesn't help trust me)
angel baby #1 was due may 15th 2010  and angel baby # 3 was due july 11, 2011 and  angel baby #4 would've been due in feb. 2012. I do think about them alot. But I know my granny and Cody's grandpa are taking good care of them and are looking over us during this whole process of adoption. It helps to have a strong significant other. Even though I completely locked him out he still stuck by my side and each day gets a little bit easier. Those angels have made me who I am today.

We have recently done a new adoption Profile: Letter to Birthmother

Thank you so much for viewing our profile!First off, we wanted to tell you how much we admire your courage to choose adoption, we realize this isn't an easy decision for you. We wanted to give you a little information about us and our family. My name is Rebecca but everyone calls me Becca. And Cody is my Husband. We have been married for two and a half years, but have been together almost four years. I really did marry my best friend. We both share a love of children, animals and some sports. We have two dogs that stay inside. A toy chihuahua named Ray and a toy yorkie named Bentley. Sadly we have no children of our own. After years of trying to concieve and four miscarriages we just decided we wanted to be parents and that biology doesn't matter to us, so we have put everything in Gods hands and looked towards adoption! We have really high hopes that we will find a child or children to complete our family. We know that you are looking at this profile because you have made the hard, selfless decision to give up your child(ren). We are happy to send videos and pictures if you were to choose us and we would love to meet with you if you like.
About us:
My name is Becca. I was born in Little Rock, Arkansas. I have a little brother and sister. I grew up in a small town. I graduated with honors from my high school and was also a member of several clubs and a cheerleader. I also won a few awards. So I guess you could say I'm a smart cookie. I chose not to attend college right away. But I will be attending to get my degree in business. I own my own business making items for children and toddlers, my neice and nephews are so spoiled thanks to me.  I enjoy my work and LOVE animals, especially my two toy puppies ray and Bentley. I'm very silly at times, but I think I'm a laid back person.I have a kind heart full of love to give. I am a christian. I do belive in God. He has brought us to this decision and I thank him everyday.
  My name is Cody and I was born in Harrison,Arkansas. I'm 23 and will be finishing up my teaching degree and coaching licensure within the next year and a half. I love sports. Just football and baseball. I played in high school in Charleston, Arkansas, where I have been almost my whole life. I also love animals. I have two boxers, Tuff and Trixie. They're outside dogs though. I enjoy taking my nephew to football practice and playing video games with him. I am also a christian. I'm very hardworking and I enjoy supporting and taking care of my family.
We met through a mutual friend of ours and as cheesy as it sounds, it was love at first sight. We share many common interests. We are each others' best friends and love and support each other with everything we do. We got married June 20, 2009 and moved to New Boston, Texas where Cody got a job at a maximum security prison. We missed our families too much so we moved back to Charleston, Arkansas to be closer to them and spend more time with them. Our relationship is based on mutual respect,a great friendship, lots of love and commitment all things we wish to share with a child.
What we would like from adoption and our parenting styles:
We cannot have our own biological children. God has brought us to adoption. We have many friends and family who support us and our decisions. This would be Becca's side of the family's first grandchild and Cody's side this would be number 4. We are looking for the child(ren) to make our family complete. We both want two or three children, but at least one boy and a girl. I know we can provide a safe and loving home. Many have told us we would make great parents from what they have seen of us with our niece and nephews. I will be a stay at home mom. I don't want to miss a moment of his/her life! My business is from home as well. We are very safety concious. Neither of us smoke or drink but that is our preference. There are gates and things everywhere! We do want our child to know that they are adopted from the start. We plan to tell them that they grew in your belly but in our hearts, and that you loved them so much that you chose adoption, we want them to know that it is because of YOU that they are here and that you are very special to us, and when they are old enough if they want to know you we don't mind that at all. We plan to send pictures and videos if that is what you would like. We are very family oriented and have a large support system and can provide a stable, safe and loving home. We were both raised in a strongly structured homes and raised with morals that we intend to instill into our future children.
Thank you:
We want to thank you so much for reading our letter. We hope we answered a lot of your questions and gave you a little insight as to who we are and how much we cannot wait to complete our litte family. We wish you luck on your decision. If you have anymore questions you can contact us. We Cannot wait to meet you!
Becca- (479)965-5998
Cody- (479)965-5999

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

What led us to this decision...

Alot of people have asked me why we've decided to go this route in our lives. Well, there's not really one answer to that question. In Arkansas, to adopt through DHS 1. you have a 1 year (possibly more) time period to pass a home study and get all your physicals done and be approved as an adoptive home. 2. You have to be 21. (which I understand but i also see myself as well beyond my years considering everything i have been through) And even after that one year period, you will not be able to adopt a child younger than 1 year of age. ( I hate not being able to have a child of my own but to miss those milestones hurts too) I know that makes me kind of picky(even more since I would love to have a little girl :) ) but I know if it came down to it i would love to have a little boy as well. Alot of people look at us and see two kids and think that we're healthy and that having a child should be no problem. (also another reason why we wont go through dhs) We have also decided not to go through an agency just yet. (although we have a few in mind) Agencies are very expensive and also take time to match you up with a POTENTIAL (i say this because a birthmother can still back out if she changes her mind) birthmother. We have decided that we would like to find an infant newborn-5months that way maybe things can go more smoothly. (once again my picky side comes out) Yes we do realize that this may never happen for us this way and we may have to go to an agency but this gives us time to save up if that were to happen or save money if it happens our way. I'm sure most mamas would agree that you want as much money as possible to spoil your child. But i still pray every minute of every day that some kind hearted, selfless person will call me or inbox me and say hey I'd love to give you my child (no matter the circumstances) or say hey i know someone who is thinking of signing over their rights because they feel unfit or whatever the circumstance might be. I guess I may be asking too much but hey a girl can dream! I just try to keep my positive attitude and stay away from situations that bring it down. I have thrown myself into my work (which I LOVE)  during the day and night and every second i get is spent searching for that one special little person. (cheesy i know) I love knowing that I have a supportive husband and friends that read this blog. You guys really make things seem less difficult. I know that I'm in a stressful situation but I'm sincerly grateful for everyone's kind words, thoughts, prayers and information even if I dont show it. So thanks :D

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

From the beginning...

Right now this is our family. (minus Bentley our 4mo old yorkie) Boo is our Chihuahua. she's 2 and Bentley is 4 months. They are like my children. (Spoiled!! :D note the dress she is wearing in the pic)
That's my husband Cody. He's my best friend. I love every second that we get to spend together. Even if it's spent fighting. Cody is 22. He will soon be finishing up school to be a history teacher and football coach. I love everything about him. He has been my rock through everything. He's a tough guy but on the inside he's a big softie. We've been together for almost 4 years. My name is Becca. I'm 20 years old. I'm a really stubborn person but I love to meet new people. My husband and I met through a mutual friend in March 2008. We had a whirlwind romance. Cheesy I know! I remember our first date, first kiss and everything before and after.
This was our wedding day. June 20, 2009.
This was the first day of our lives. Our beginning. We moved to New Boston, Tx in July 2009. Cody got a job working at a prison and I think I was working at a bank. In September of that year (after MONTHS of trying) we found out that we had gotten pregnant for the first time. We were so happy and excited. I went to the dr at about 5 weeks. Two days after that I started bleeding. One emergency room trip later we were told that there was a possibilty that I was losing our baby. A week later we went to our ob and he confirmed that I had lost the baby. I was devestated. I started crying on the spot. And all our doctor told us was that it happens all the time and not to worry that we would get pregnant again and have a healthy pregnancy. After losing my job from an inability to get out of bed i finally kicked myself into gear and decided we should try again to be sure. After missing my period a month later I was so excited to see that I was pregnant again. But before my first ob appt. I once again suffered a miscarriage. I knew that there had to be something wrong. But after 4months and two miscarriages my body was exhausted. We took a break for awhile and bought a house, I started my new business and 6 months later we decided to see a fertility specialist. At our first appointment our doctor put me on a daily progesterone hormone treatment and our first round of clomid. He told us not to get discouraged if it didnt take right away. The first month came and went and still no pregnancy. Then came time for the second month I took a pregnancy test that came up negative. Well a few days later my husband coaxed me into taking another test that I thought said negative but was actually a positive. That was October 2010. We scheduled our first ob appointment that very next day. After tons of blood work and examinations it was time for the ultrasound. It showed our baby at 5 weeks. My heart melted. But at the same time I was scared to death. At that time they couldn't see a heartbeat but told us that it might still be too early and scheduled another ultrasound for the following week. At 6 weeks and 3 days we finally heard our angel baby's heartbeat. It was in the 150s. That was all I needed to reassure me that this baby was going to be ok. My husband and I made the decision to move back home that next week. After all the packing and moving in December 2011 we were back home. The next day I started looking for an OB. I had scheduled an appointment with a doctor the 4th of january to get checked out. But sadly a week later (I was 10 weeks at this time) I saw an all too familiar sign of miscarriage. I immediately went back to the first two pregnancies and rushed to the hospital. After more bloodwork and tons of examinations they finally sent me back for an ultrasound. I prayed to hear a heartbeat. The nurse told me that I was only measuring at 7 weeks. I told her that that was impossible and she checked for a heartbeat but found nothing. She then told me that a doctor would see me soon. After hours of waiting and crying the doctor finally came in and said that I had lost our baby at 7 weeks and that it was deciding to expell its now and that it was a good thing because it saved me from having surgery. He then coldly left leaving us with that and no one able to answer our questions. After that experience I decided I was DONE trying. I didnt want anything to do with a child or anyone with one. (My sister in law was pregnant at the time 8 weeks ahead of me) I completely cut everyone off. Even the slightest reminder of a baby set me off. I became unbearable to live with. Thankfully my husband was there. Even though he didnt understand and I wouldn't talk to him he was still by my side. I love him for that. It still bothers me to this day when I see or hear people announce their pregnancies. A few months later I threw myself into my work. Which is now my new business. It helped take my mind off of things until I decided to start making infant and toddler items, which I thought was a HUGE mistake at first. But it was kind of my new therapy. I started spending more time with my neice and nephew. In may my sister in law had her baby and I went right back to my feelings in January. I shut everyone out again. I didnt even see my nephew the first month he was born. In May of this year we had a big surprise. We found out that we were pregnant for the 4th time. I was so scared. I made myself take it even easier. On June 27th I was on a cruise with my family I had miscarried again. This hasn't been the easiest journey but it has taught me alot about my life, God, marriage, and family. It wasn't a big surprise to me. I had suspected it would happen. It is now september. We've decided that we are not going to get pregnant again. We hope to adopt domestically on our own without going through an expensive agency. I've decided to start this blog so that the people we are close to can follow us on this new journey. I pray we find a child soon. I know I will make a wonderful mother and Cody will be a great father. There are not many selfless people in this world that will give up their flesh and blood for us but I keep my hopes up that some special birthmother will walk into our lives and bless us with her child. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this.  Keep us in your prayers. And any information you may have on a birthmother is always welcomed.