Tuesday, September 27, 2011

From the beginning...

Right now this is our family. (minus Bentley our 4mo old yorkie) Boo is our Chihuahua. she's 2 and Bentley is 4 months. They are like my children. (Spoiled!! :D note the dress she is wearing in the pic)
That's my husband Cody. He's my best friend. I love every second that we get to spend together. Even if it's spent fighting. Cody is 22. He will soon be finishing up school to be a history teacher and football coach. I love everything about him. He has been my rock through everything. He's a tough guy but on the inside he's a big softie. We've been together for almost 4 years. My name is Becca. I'm 20 years old. I'm a really stubborn person but I love to meet new people. My husband and I met through a mutual friend in March 2008. We had a whirlwind romance. Cheesy I know! I remember our first date, first kiss and everything before and after.
This was our wedding day. June 20, 2009.
This was the first day of our lives. Our beginning. We moved to New Boston, Tx in July 2009. Cody got a job working at a prison and I think I was working at a bank. In September of that year (after MONTHS of trying) we found out that we had gotten pregnant for the first time. We were so happy and excited. I went to the dr at about 5 weeks. Two days after that I started bleeding. One emergency room trip later we were told that there was a possibilty that I was losing our baby. A week later we went to our ob and he confirmed that I had lost the baby. I was devestated. I started crying on the spot. And all our doctor told us was that it happens all the time and not to worry that we would get pregnant again and have a healthy pregnancy. After losing my job from an inability to get out of bed i finally kicked myself into gear and decided we should try again to be sure. After missing my period a month later I was so excited to see that I was pregnant again. But before my first ob appt. I once again suffered a miscarriage. I knew that there had to be something wrong. But after 4months and two miscarriages my body was exhausted. We took a break for awhile and bought a house, I started my new business and 6 months later we decided to see a fertility specialist. At our first appointment our doctor put me on a daily progesterone hormone treatment and our first round of clomid. He told us not to get discouraged if it didnt take right away. The first month came and went and still no pregnancy. Then came time for the second month I took a pregnancy test that came up negative. Well a few days later my husband coaxed me into taking another test that I thought said negative but was actually a positive. That was October 2010. We scheduled our first ob appointment that very next day. After tons of blood work and examinations it was time for the ultrasound. It showed our baby at 5 weeks. My heart melted. But at the same time I was scared to death. At that time they couldn't see a heartbeat but told us that it might still be too early and scheduled another ultrasound for the following week. At 6 weeks and 3 days we finally heard our angel baby's heartbeat. It was in the 150s. That was all I needed to reassure me that this baby was going to be ok. My husband and I made the decision to move back home that next week. After all the packing and moving in December 2011 we were back home. The next day I started looking for an OB. I had scheduled an appointment with a doctor the 4th of january to get checked out. But sadly a week later (I was 10 weeks at this time) I saw an all too familiar sign of miscarriage. I immediately went back to the first two pregnancies and rushed to the hospital. After more bloodwork and tons of examinations they finally sent me back for an ultrasound. I prayed to hear a heartbeat. The nurse told me that I was only measuring at 7 weeks. I told her that that was impossible and she checked for a heartbeat but found nothing. She then told me that a doctor would see me soon. After hours of waiting and crying the doctor finally came in and said that I had lost our baby at 7 weeks and that it was deciding to expell its now and that it was a good thing because it saved me from having surgery. He then coldly left leaving us with that and no one able to answer our questions. After that experience I decided I was DONE trying. I didnt want anything to do with a child or anyone with one. (My sister in law was pregnant at the time 8 weeks ahead of me) I completely cut everyone off. Even the slightest reminder of a baby set me off. I became unbearable to live with. Thankfully my husband was there. Even though he didnt understand and I wouldn't talk to him he was still by my side. I love him for that. It still bothers me to this day when I see or hear people announce their pregnancies. A few months later I threw myself into my work. Which is now my new business. It helped take my mind off of things until I decided to start making infant and toddler items, which I thought was a HUGE mistake at first. But it was kind of my new therapy. I started spending more time with my neice and nephew. In may my sister in law had her baby and I went right back to my feelings in January. I shut everyone out again. I didnt even see my nephew the first month he was born. In May of this year we had a big surprise. We found out that we were pregnant for the 4th time. I was so scared. I made myself take it even easier. On June 27th I was on a cruise with my family I had miscarried again. This hasn't been the easiest journey but it has taught me alot about my life, God, marriage, and family. It wasn't a big surprise to me. I had suspected it would happen. It is now september. We've decided that we are not going to get pregnant again. We hope to adopt domestically on our own without going through an expensive agency. I've decided to start this blog so that the people we are close to can follow us on this new journey. I pray we find a child soon. I know I will make a wonderful mother and Cody will be a great father. There are not many selfless people in this world that will give up their flesh and blood for us but I keep my hopes up that some special birthmother will walk into our lives and bless us with her child. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this.  Keep us in your prayers. And any information you may have on a birthmother is always welcomed.

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