What led us to this decision...

Alot of people have asked me why we've decided to go this route in our lives. Well, there's not really one answer to that question. In Arkansas, to adopt through DHS 1. you have a 1 year (possibly more) time period to pass a home study and get all your physicals done and be approved as an adoptive home. 2. You have to be 21. (which I understand but i also see myself as well beyond my years considering everything i have been through) And even after that one year period, you will not be able to adopt a child younger than 1 year of age. ( I hate not being able to have a child of my own but to miss those milestones hurts too) I know that makes me kind of picky(even more since I would love to have a little girl :) ) but I know if it came down to it i would love to have a little boy as well. Alot of people look at us and see two kids and think that we're healthy and that having a child should be no problem. (also another reason why we wont go through dhs) We have also decided not to go through an agency just yet. (although we have a few in mind) Agencies are very expensive and also take time to match you up with a POTENTIAL (i say this because a birthmother can still back out if she changes her mind) birthmother. We have decided that we would like to find an infant newborn-5months that way maybe things can go more smoothly. (once again my picky side comes out) Yes we do realize that this may never happen for us this way and we may have to go to an agency but this gives us time to save up if that were to happen or save money if it happens our way. I'm sure most mamas would agree that you want as much money as possible to spoil your child. But i still pray every minute of every day that some kind hearted, selfless person will call me or inbox me and say hey I'd love to give you my child (no matter the circumstances) or say hey i know someone who is thinking of signing over their rights because they feel unfit or whatever the circumstance might be. I guess I may be asking too much but hey a girl can dream! I just try to keep my positive attitude and stay away from situations that bring it down. I have thrown myself into my work (which I LOVE)  during the day and night and every second i get is spent searching for that one special little person. (cheesy i know) I love knowing that I have a supportive husband and friends that read this blog. You guys really make things seem less difficult. I know that I'm in a stressful situation but I'm sincerly grateful for everyone's kind words, thoughts, prayers and information even if I dont show it. So thanks :D