Monday, November 28, 2011

Rant!

I consider myself a strong woman. I'm not sure what others think, but that doesn't matter to me a whole lot. After losing 4 children (if you're just starting to read my blog you should go back to the very first post to understand the story) as I was saying, after losing four children there's nothing left to be but strong. I won't lie I had my down moments (a lot of them around the holidays and loss dates and due dates as well) but everything happens for a reason. As a rps (recurrent pregnancy loss) survivor I can say that I understand what it's like to lose a child and what a body goes through and understand the feelings that women go through during this grieving time in their lives. Now I believe that losing one baby is discouraging and sad but most times you won't lose another child. And I like to reinforce that to people who ask me about my experience. Don't think because you lost one child it is going to happen again. Here was my own personal train of thoughts:
First pregnancy: excited! Scared: after the loss- we can try again!
Second pregnancy: surprise! But hopeful: after the loss- maybe something's wrong
Third pregnancy: (second round of clomid ad hormones) excited!! After the loss- devastated! Depressed at some point I didn't care what happened to me and I didn't want to get pregnant again. So we contemplated adoption!!
Fourth pregnancy: surprise! Depressed and scared. After the loss- after 3 specialists couldn't tell us what was wrong we had a come to Jesus talk and decided we would do everything in our power not to get pregnant again and decided adoption was best for us!

Now that may be different for everyone. But these three and a half years have been a roller coaster for us. And you would think after that crazy ride we would take a break, but here we are on the adoption roller coaster! It definitely has its twists and turns but we know it will all be worth it in the end! Thanks so much to all of our readers for the prayers and for sharing our blog and all the encouragement!!! We appreciate you all and can't wait to meet the little bundle of joy that will help complete our family!!!

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