Monday, February 27, 2012

The Kindness of Strangers

Sorry I've been MIA lately. With my boutique and my husband's new business we've barely had time to breathe! But I'm proud to say that in a couple of days we will both be proud business owners!!! I'm so proud of my husband!!! We have had such a busy week and not to mention a busy week ahead of us so I'm not sure when my next update will be but to update you right now I have been "nesting" like crazy for the past couple of weeks and I finally got a chance to do some shopping for future baby this weekend!! Needless to say I'm almost swimming in diapers and clothes! This baby is definitely loved!! I have a love/hate relationship with our future baby's stuff! Most days I love shopping for him/her but some days it's just a reminder of what's yet to be. But I am still very hopeful and everyday is a new day!!! Now onto what the title of this post is about. As most of you know I have a decal on the back of my car "advertising" our adoption profile. We live in a small town so not too many people see it but when we go shopping we drive by quite a few people. I've always wondered who actually takes the time out to check out our profile. Today I found out! Alix (whom I wasn't friends with on Facebook until just a couple hours ago) was behind us today and saw our decal and actually checked out our profile and posted that she did on her facebook! She is so sweet!!! Well a mutual friend of ours told me about the post and all the wonderful things that were said and we are now friends!! Although she is not our birthmother we are so grateful for wonderful people like her that spread the word about us like she has!!! We are so blessed to have so many people who care about us and willing to help us on our journey!!! So a big shout out to you Alix and thank you for being so sweet!!!! I have a feeling that we will find our future baby soon!!! I hope I am right!!! Thank you to all those who continue to spread the word about us and continue to pray for us! You really have no idea how much we appreciate you!!!!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Words of Encouragement

A friend of mine posted these and I thought that some of my friends might find comfort in these words. I know I did. (Warning: It's a pretty long post.) Some were changed to fit my situation.
Softly you crept into my heart
like footsteps upon a billowing cloud
Your arms of love wrapped around me,
You came with angel wings.
Those wings carried you into my womb,
Where you rested for only a brief moment,
like a whisper you were here
so small, yet so huge in my heart.
You belonged to God, only lent to my by Him,
your presence was a strong one, Yes,
... your ability to stay was weak.
God called you back to him, my angel lent to me
You left with angel's wings
Your smile now brightens up the Heavens
as seen by the stars at night
a twinkle in your eye, music in your voice
You rejoined God's Heavenly chorus
You are my miracle, my love, my heart, and my soul.
You not only became my child,
but my Guardian angel as well
A love shown by someone so small
yet given by someone so big
God gave me his littlest Angel
and I had to give you back to him.
I was once in the arms of an Angel for a time
and now ache for one in mine
My beautiful baby boy,
Dance in God's sunshine, sleep in God's arms,
Grow in God's love, and be happy...
An Angel given to me, yet taken Oh So Soon...
I thank you God for the lend of an Angel.
Will I know my babies when we meet again?
Will they have grown up, not be the infants that died in my arms?
Will I recognize them, be able to find them among so many others?
Or will they be a strangers to me, not knowing who I am,
or me knowing them?
Do babies grow up in heaven?
They never got their first teeth, or said their first words.
No first shoes, no Santa, no first birthday cake.
Will my babies still babies when we meet again?
Do babies grow up in heaven?
Who sings them precious lullabies?
Who holds them close and kisses them everyday?
Who tells them constantly that they love them?
Do babies grow up in heaven?
When we next meet, will they know me?
Will they want to know me?
Will they be my children who died at one or two months, or an adult, fully grown?
Will I have the joy of being a mother to my children for all eternity?
Do babies grow up in heaven?
Will I be able to hold them, love them, sing lullabies to them?
Will I be able to hold their tiny hands, or will they be adult hands?
Will I ever have the joy that only holding my children can bring?
I need to know! In heaven, is my baby still a baby?
How do I say goodbye ... when I didn't get to say hello?
I want so bad to keep you ... how do I let you go?
I have so many dreams, so much love I want to share
There's nothing I can do ...why is life unfair?
You're my perfect angels...I dreamed you long ago
I never got to hold you but it breaks my heart to let you go
The pain and confusion I feel inside
I can not explain...I can not describe...
God will rock you in your cradle and watch you as you sleep
I will love you in my heart ... it's all I get to keep
you are blessed my children ... you're in heaven up above
You'll never be have Mommy & Daddy's love
Hush my little need not ever cry
You were always wanted! I wish you didn't die
You'll be my sunshine in the daylight and the brightest star at night
Reach for God's hand and go to the light
I would rather endure the pain of losing you right now
Then the thought of you suffering through life...we'll get through somehow
I was blessed to have you briefly...even though I have to let you go
I wish I knew the reason but I guess I'll never know.
Sweet children whom we never really got to know,
It’s hard for us to let you go.
We waited and we wanted you.
We had so many dreams for you.
We think of smiles we'll never see.
We think of events that will never be.
There will be no first steps and no first teeth.
There is only a void and our own grief.
We planned to take you to places far and near.
We yearned to keep you safe and free from ...fear.
We hoped to show you much of your new world.
We wanted to teach you as your life unfurled.
It’s hard to understand why you, our baby, died.
We feel so numb right now, many tears we’ve cried.
We have so many questions and no answers seem to come.
We tried so hard to save you; nothing could be done.
God, we stand before you broken-hearted
and ask you to heal these lives that must be parted
from these little ones we can no longer hold,
who will always be a part of us, even when we're old.)
God, take these children in your loving arms.
No more can they suffer any harm.
Bless them always and bless us too.
Be with us and help us to make it through.
I won't say, "I know how you feel"- because I don't. I've lost parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, and pets, but I've never lost a child. So how can I say I know how you feel?
 I won't say, "You'll get over it"- because you won't. Life will have to go on. The washing, cooking, cleaning, the common routine. The chores will take your mind off your child, but the hurt will still be there....
  I won't say, "Your other children will comfort you"-because they may not. Many mothers I've talked to say that after they have lost a child, they easily lose their temper ith their remaining children.
  I won't say, "Never mind, you're young enough to have another baby"- because that won't help. A new baby can not replace the child you lost. A new baby fills your hours, keeps you busy, gives you sleepless nights. But it will not replace the one you lost.
So what will I say?
I will say, "I am here. I care. Anytime. Anywhere." I will talk about your child. We'll laugh about the good memories. I won't mind how long you grieve. I won't tell you to pull yourself together.
  No, I don't know how you feel- but with sharing, perhaps I will learn a little of what you are going through.
  And perhaps you'll feel comfortable with me and find your burden has eased. Try me.
A Lament for My Babies
I never got to hear you laugh
you never saw me cry
didn't get a chance to say "Hello"
you never said "Goodbye"
I didn't think that I could feel
so sad, lost and forlorn.
I never knew God chose his Angels
before some of them were born.
Your lives were short yet special 
You were alive inside of me.
Every baby is an Angel
and every angel is divine
God needed some in heaven
He came down and took mine
And although we are not together
we're not really apart
for you'll always occupy a space
deep within my heart.
Time has begun to ease my pain
It's only some days now I cry.
When I wish I could have said "Hello"
and heard you say "Goodbye"
For just those few weeks
I had you to myself.
And that seems too short a time
to be changed so profoundly.
In those few weeks,
I came to know you...
and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh what a life I had planned for you!
Just those few weeks...
... when I lost you,
i lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams and aspirations.
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
Just those few weeks...
It wasn't enough time to convince others
how special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
and no one is mourning the passing.
Just a mere few weeks..
And no "normal" person would cry all night
Over a tiny unfinished baby,
or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I??
You were just those few weeks, my little one.
You darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
to make my life richer
and to give me a small glimpse of eternity.
I get a lot of strength from my friends that understand what we've been through. It's always easier to talk to them. I hope that this has lifted my blogger friends spirits especially those that really need it. I know that God is taking care of our angels as is my grandmother and cody's grandfather. Mommy & Daddy love all 4 of you so much!!!! Not a day goes by that you aren't on our mind. I pray that you miss us just as much!! I also pray you are watching over your future brothers and sisters!!! I know they won't share our blood but you are all equally a blessing to us and we can't wait to meet each and every one of you!!!!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Everyday is a new Day..

I'm sorry it's been so long since my last post. I've been nesting and spending time with family and working on new things for my business. There's not really much to update right now. Still no sign of a baby in our near future, but everyday is a new day. I wanted to share with my readers that aren't personal friends with my on my facebook, one of our newest "advertisements". (Made by Dawn Haney)
I am absolutely in love lol. I found something similar to this online but I wanted a little zebra as well. Cody hasn't decided on a design yet so I will post his in another post. The back of the shirt has our profile website web address.

When I posted this on my Facebook I was overwhelmed with how much support and how much people liked the shirt. We can't thank you enough for you support, love, help, and kind words!!! We appreciate you all more than you know!!!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Happy Birthday Baby

I'm writing this blog today because I'm not really sure how I'll be feeling on the actual day. But most of you know that we've lost all 4 of our angel babies. What a lot of you don't know is that Baby #4's due date is Feb. 9th 2012. I haven't really been thinking about it until the Cody's birthday the other day. It hit me really hard that we should have a 2 year old, 1 year old (baby number 2 we didn't know we were pregnant with until we lost him/her) and a newborn in a few days. Wow. I think about our babies constantly but this almost brought tears to my eyes. We are hoping that this will be the year we will finally physically be parents. I told Cody this time next year he will be enjoying his first birthday as a daddy!!! I have mixed emotions right now. I'm sad that none of our children are here with us, but at the same time I'm trying to be postive that we will find our baby soon. I can only imagine how I'm going to feel next week. Anyways, onto less emotional matters, the 3rd was Cody's 24th birthday. We were planning how we were going to celebrate when he got a phone call to go out to work!! He had to leave immediately. So he didn't have much of a birthday. That's the oilfield for you I guess. I've been nesting like crazy and planning a wedding (my sister in law's) so that has taken my mind off a lot of things. We've gotten a lot of networking done as well! It's to the point where I don't think there's much else I can do. So hopefully it will pay off soon!!! Thank you for all the continued prayers and kind words you have no idea how much we appreciate them!!!!

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Update & Rant

I'm sorry that there isn't much I can update you all with. I've still been networking up a storm with all of our friends and family. So hopefully soon we will get the call we've been waiting for!!! We're still staying positive!!! Speaking of which my love's birthday is in 2 days!!!! I have been teasing that he is getting old but he's only going to be 24. I love giving him a hard time!

There have been quite a few tragedies in my hometown here lately and I want to give everyone my condolensences first. I pray for everyone affected by all the deaths and I pray things to get back to normal soon!!!

I want to take a second to rant about those that keep popping out kids and not taking care of them. I believe everyone knows someone like this. Everyday I hear a new story sometimes more than one. And it breaks my heart! I hate knowing that we can't bring our own child into this world but yet there are people that keep popping them out and neglecting them or harming them! I won't go much into this topic but I'm especially ticked off about this today! End of Rant! 

Back to networking and party planning I go!!!!

Thank you for the continued prayers and kind words!!! We love you all!!!!