Saturday, January 12, 2013
It's no secret what my husband and I have been through. It's also no secret that I can handle a lot before I break down. That much is true except when it comes to pregnancy, miscarriage, my angel babies and adoption. I hold all of those things very near and dear to me. They are a huge part of my life and that will never change. Although a new piece has been added to my heart (Carter) he will never know the pain that we went through to get to him. Although he isn't here yet I love him as if I created him. That being said, it still gets hard to be around other pregnant women. I know many of you may think "why are you still upset when you are adopting?" Like I said I love him already but it will never be the same. And I can't stress enough that I couldn't love him more even if I created him. It's just different. I have maybe a handful of people I can truly call my friends. It's a tough job. I have mood swings I get angry sometimes. I cry for what seems like no reason at all. But there is always a reason. What people don't understand is I am always happy for new moms, I may not always show it, but trust me I am. Nothing will be as wonderful as holding Carter for the first time and him officially being apart of our family. That still doesn't make it easy to hear about how hard your baby is kicking or what hurts or what you are craving etc. My husband will say its like walking on eggshells around me sometimes. He's right. Although my heart will never be completely healed it is slowly mending thanks to the beautiful blessing god and our birthmom are giving us. I'm glad for the true friends that have stuck by my side throughout this journey. There's so much more good times to come.