Things you should never say to an Angel Parent

Miscarriage is an easier topic to ignore than to talk about for many people. It tooks a long time for me to personally talk about it myself. The problem with not talking about it is that the parents suffering from the loss of their angel baby(ies) often feel alone and unsupported. Which is understandable considering most of us have friends that haven't lost a child. But just saying I'm sorry is better than saying nothing at all. Most people do mean well even if they say things that they probably shouldn't, but it still doesn't mean it hurts any less. I've heard a few of these things myself and a few I found online or from other friends that have had things said to them and I wanted to share them with you all.

* "I know what you're going through." I think this one is the most common. I despise hearing this. If it is from someone else who has miscarried and actually does understand it adds more pain (my personal feelings). But some women find it comforting to hear that they aren't the only ones that have experienced this type of loss. Now hearing this coming from someone who hasn't been through this type of loss can be very hurtful and in my case, make you more angry.

* "You can always try again." While this is true, you don't get pregnant hoping you will have to try again because you miscarried. Although most women that do miscarry go on to have healthy pregnancies in the future. I personally still mourn all four of my angel babies.

* "Be grateful for the children you do have." I personally don't have any other children, but I imagine that even if I did it wouldn't hurt any less.

* "At least you weren't further along in the pregnancy." No matter how far along in your pregnancy you are still mourning the loss of your child. It may be harder on your body to miscarry later on in the pregnancy, but it still doesn't hurt any less emotionally.

* "It wasn't a real baby just a fetus." I personally haven't heard this one either, but I personally do consider a fetus a baby. For me as soon as I saw those two lines on the pregnancy test, there was a "real" baby growing inside of me.

* "At least you didn't know your baby." To me that was added pain. It hurt more knowing that I will never know my angel babies. I love all of them and have since the day I found out about them.

* " It's probably for the best" It takes everything I have not to tear into someone who says this. And yes I have personally heard this one. There are many different reasons women miscarry, some are unknownl. But who exactly was this loss the best for? Me? You? My angel baby? This is most certainly the WORST thing you could ever say to an angel parent!!!

* "It won't happen again." I took solace in this statement. After my first miscarriage my ob told me that most women miscarry at least once in their lives, whether they know it or not and that once my body healed I would most likely carry a healthy full term pregnancy. Most of you know that that is not the case with my husband and I. But thinking this after each miscarriage definitely made it harder after each angel I lost.

* "After so many miscarriages you should be used to it." I angrily typed that phrase. That is another one that I have personally gotten. I will only say this once. YOU NEVER GET USED TO LOSING YOUR CHILDREN!!!!! And in my opinion anyone that says this to your face has just given you permission to rearrange theirs!

* "Move on, it's not the end of the world." Grieving is a different process for every person. The timing isn't the same and neither are the emotions. It is very important to grieve.

* "There must have been something wrong with the baby." Just because the baby died, doesn't mean that there was something wrong with the baby. There are so many things that have to go a certain way to have a healthy pregnancy and carry a baby to full term.

* "It happened because..." Most women like myself find themselves blaming themselves for the loss of their baby, even if a cause is known, I always wondered what if I had done something different. No one knows why I lost my angels and to hear someone else tell me this is why you did is extremely hurtful.

Moral of the story: If you don't understand or know what you're talking about keep your mouth shut and just say "I'm sorry".

Sorry for the long post. I just realized that I hadn't written an in depth post about this. Some of these phrases still get to me like I lost my babies yesterday, but the pain has lessened in time. Thanks for reading. If you have lost an angel baby I'm more than happy to listen and share my experience with you if you like. I hope that everyone takes this post to heart.


Thank you to those that continue to pray for us. We hope to find our baby soon!!!!

I'm still here :)

For those that read my blog regularly. Sorry I haven't updated in awhile. There still isn't much to update. We are still trying to adopt privately and hope that we find our baby girl soon! We thank you do much for keeping us in your prayers! And an even bigger thanks to those who continue to spread the word about us. It will lead us to our forever babies even faster!!! We appreciate all your kind words of encouragement and support!

Still Hoping to Adopt!

Sorry I haven't been updating as frequently as I said I would. With planning two weddings and spending time with my baby sister I haven't had much time. We now have one wedding out of the way and I have a little more free time. Now for the update! I get asked all the time if we are still trying to adopt. The answer to that: a big fat YES!! Yes we get a little more discouraged everytime an adoption falls through but we still have hope!! We really appreciate everyone who is still spreading the word about us trying to adopt! Word of mouth is the most powerful way to get word out. We also love all the compliments we get on our window decal with our profile website!!! We hope to find our forever baby soon!!! We are still working on the nursery (pics coming soon) I'm not ready to unveil it until it's completely ready!! But we have decided to plan around a baby girl!! ( so yes I'm very excited!!!) We won't reveal her name until we have her in our arms though. (Sorry to disappoint!!) But we are still stockpiling on gender neutral clothes and diapers etc.  We will definitely be ready when she makes her appearance!!! I'm sorry there isn't much to update but please keep the prayers coming!!! We really appreciate them!!!! Thanks everyone!!!!

Lonely Silence

I know I said I wouldn't stay away so long, but I did have good reason. We recently had another failed adoption. Just typing those words almost brings me to tears. This was further into the process than any other adoption we have pursued so I think I can say this one hurt the most. I won't go into all of the details but long story short a mutual friend came to me about her friend's situation and said she was pregnant with twin girls due in a couple months. She let us choose the names etc and we got ready for two babies. Our world was perfect for a little while. She ended up going into premature labor and found out that baby b was born asleep she weighed 2lbs 6oz. Baby a was born heathy 6lbs 2oz. However we couldn't get to her so she said she would come to us when she was medically cleared to travel. (Should've been red flag number 1) We immediately called our lawyer and had him start on the paperwork. She was all set to travel when baby girl was 3 weeks old. We didn't want any pictures until after we met her. We were all set to bring home a one month old baby girl! (Carseat installed, diaper bag ready at the drop of a hat everything)The week before the scheduled court date, she arrived to where she was staying and said she wanted to meet us and let us meet baby girl. Long story short she found every excuse not to meet with us. When the day came to go to court she was nowhere to be found. And I had a friend telling me how beautiful our baby girl was and how she couldn't wait to see her with us. (big slap in the face when I had to tell her that we would never be bringing her home because the birthmom changed her mind) So here we are yet again ready for baby but with empty arms dealing with the lonely silence. I promised myself that last year would be the last year that I would spend my birthday childless, but it looks as though that may not happen. My birthday is in exactly 29 days. It really would take a miracle to make me "physically" a mommy by then. But hey, miracles happen everyday I guess. This adoption has hurt but I know I will heal. I've really noticed who my real friends are here lately. I know I've been in some pretty dark places and haven't been the most positive person to be around, but the real friends have stuck by me. As far as how my husband is handling things, he's always been the stronger one of us when it comes to emotions, and as much as he has always wanted a baby boy, I know this little girl had him wrapped around her finger from the moment we heard about her. I really think this adoption has hurt him very much as well. It has been so wonderful to have all of your support and kind words, even when the last thing I want is to be positive I look back on those words and really appreciate all the wonderful people I have been blessed with. Although I know it isn't my timing, I sure do wish we would find a baby soon!! I hope I have answered everyone's questions and I really do promise to try to keep everyone updated more often. Thank you for your kind words and continued prayers! I hope to have better news to update soon!!

About the Blogger: Random Facts

Through the pain we must find humor. Things are starting to get better so I wanted to share more random (and slightly humorous) facts! I realize a lot of my readers are also Facebook friends but even though you "know" me you don't really KNOW me. So I'm going to share!!!

1. I LOVE CHILDREN!! (Big Surprise!)
2. God and my family are most important in my life!
3. I am a Zebra-holic! You name it, it's zebra!
4. I love Rubber ducks! I have a bathroom dedicated to them!
5. I'm OBSESSED with chocolate!!!
6. I LOVE Naked! Specifically the mango naked!
7. I love my scentsy!
8. I'm very organized. I'm actually OCD about it!
9. I love SVU, KENDRA, Secret life, MIOB, Lizard Lick, Dance moms, and tons of other shows!
10. I was a Cheerleader for 4 years.
11. I own my own business!
12. I'm making majority of our children's clothing! Along with a lot of their nursery decor!(Don't worry I'm making another blog post dedicated to their nurseries)
13. I married my best friend almost 3 years ago.
14. I have a very large, supportive, group of friends!
15. My life is pretty much an open book. (which I despise sometimes, but it's for a good reason)
16. I am constantly making a list for something.
17. I love shopping!!
18. I dislike negativity.
19. I have two of the sweetest (sometimes) fur babies! For those who don't know Rae & Bentley, you're missing out!!
20. I love to swim!!!
21. I love board games!!!
22. I hate fixing my hair.
23. I love PINK (victoria's secret) sweatpants!
24. I love going black friday shopping but only at Walmart and only for movies!
25. I love candy!
26. I love to decorate!
27. I'm slightly addicted to Pinterest!
28. I'm a night owl.
29. Sometimes I talk too much.
30. I voice my opinion even if others don't like it.
31. I LOVE Dr. Pepper!!!
32. I dye my own hair. (with the exception of my highlights, my husband pulls my hair through the cap)
33. I have the sweetest husband EVER!!
34. I dislike roses, but I like the hybrid zebra roses. I LOVE daisies!
35. I don't know what I'd do without my iPhone!
36. I LOVE Matchbox 20
37. I watch Jenna Marbles every Wednesday and we are A LOT alike!
38. I love blue bunny fudgesicles!
39. I have not, nor will I ever "snatch" a baby. ( Long story, I get rude comments from time to time)
40. I hate running.
41. I love to watch cartoons!
42. I hate carpet.
43. I love chick flicks!
44. I'm a dog person. (obviously)
45. I Love Friday's!
46. I hate to fish, unless I'm fishing with the hubs.
47. I hate to do dishes and fold laundry. (but I always seem to be stuck doing them both lol)
48. I love to get massages!
49. I love my "mommy" car!
50. I wear glasses.

Wow! That took longer than I thought it would! lol There you have it, 50 random facts! I hope you enjoyed getting to know me!!! I promise to keep you all updated with the adoption process as soon as we know something! Thank you for the continued prayers!!! We love an appreciate you guys!!!

Rumors

I addressed this on my personal Facebook, but I wanted to go a little more in depth about this. I am somewhat of a homebody. I have maybe a handful of good close friends. That being said I have put a lot of my life out in the open. That is my choice of course. Like I said I do this in the hopes of helping someone else that's going through something similar and to help spread the word about our want to adopt. Back to the rumor issue. To set the record straight: I have only been pregnant 4 times and I have lost all 4 of our angel babies. I have NEVER lied about being pregnant or losing any our children. And as far as I know of you're either pregnant or not and I'm sorry but if you have a miscarriage you will know it! Its the worst pain physically and emotionally I have ever felt! I get so pissed when I see or hear of someone saying their pregnant and then a week down the road saying they miscarried just to cover their ass and get attention. It's not something I take lightly. There are also a few rumors that we are trying to solicite (sp?) other womens' children. WOW!!! That one was a low blow. How sorry of a person do you have to be to make up such a lie?? I could go to jail for doing that!!! We want a baby very much but I'm definitely not going around "snatchin' up babies". We pray everyday for a baby and hope to find him or her soon. I pray no woman has to endure the pain we have. As of now we have only had two failed adoptions and if you've read my blogs you know all about those situations and I won't go into the details if not don't be lazy look through my posts lol. I live my life almost as if it's an open book. I have no problems sharing parts of our lives. Sometimes I get a little emotional but what woman wouldn't? If someone ever has a question we have no problems answering them but please ask before you assume.  Thank you to all of you who continue to pray for us. Despite the drama we are very hopeful about the future and know that this will be the year that we add our first baby to our family!!!!!

New update

As many of you are aware, it's been awhile since I've posted or updated any thing on our journey. For that I'm sorry but don't get your panties in a wad (you will see why I'm trying to find a little humor soon enough) I am going to explain. Most recently my husband has been in the process of taking over a new company an becoming his own boss! (which I'm very proud of!) that has taken up so much of our time that my boutique business has been put on hold for awhile. We also learned of a possible adoption situation involving two baby girls due in June. We weren't really sure how things were going to play out so we didn't really get too involved until the birthmother really wanted to meet us. We were so excited that she wanted us to be the parents to not only one baby but TWO! Over about a months time we talked through a mutual friend and set up a meeting and doctors appointments. Well last week she stopped answering calls from everyone and completely slipped off the radar. That's when my heart broke all over again. I knew the worst but hoped for the best. It's been a week and a half since anyone has spoken to her and she has yet to tell us why she changed her mind. It's been a rough week and has really hit me hard that we've been working so hard to adopt for the past year and that after 3 years of trying to build a family we are still only a family of two. (sorry for the pity party) part of me wants to stop advertising our want to adopt but I know it won't help anything. It still kills me to tell others that this is our only option. I will never carry our biological children. But I know that one day we will have perfect children meant especially for us. I am going to try to be more frequent with the updates again to keep everyone in the loop. Thank you to all those who continue to pray for us we definitely need it.